Hey There Girl – Days 196 and 197



Hey There Girl.Day 196

Hey there girl,
Sorry if I seem confusing.
Don’t judge a book by its cover,
I’m not skater,
I’m not punk,
I’m not some hunk
Or a rock n’ roll man.
I’m just me.
So sorry if I’ve come off as genius,
Didn’t mean to show off
When you’re around I can’t help
But do everything to get your attention.
You drive me wild,
You get me up off the ground
I want to soar in the clouds
Whenever I hear your voice I cry,
Cry out into the night for you forever.
This could be the start of something.
I’m sorry girl,
If I’ve come off as scatterbrained
I want to apologize;
I’m just a little off balance.
Hormones keep me driving hard and fast.
I’m just your rag doll boy,
Will you be my raggedy Ann girl
To last with me forever and ever and ever?

FlashbackDay 197
This is the point in the story.
Where you flashback to the beginning,
And watch as it unfolds again.
This time quick in succession.
Each and every moment
Of the past three years
Plays out in your head.
You see it all at once.
You see it forever.
It grows and grows.
Out of control

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Comments
2 Responses to “Hey There Girl – Days 196 and 197”
  1. kolembo says:

    These are super! So good that the editor in me will not sleep, I hope you don’t mind!

    The first piece, ‘hey there girl’ rocks! It’s intimate and picturesqe. These edits are too allow the line – if I come off as scatterbrained to really live.

    Ok, split the image of the hunk and the rock and roll man…so ‘I’m not a hunk OR a rock and roll man’,

    I didn’t mean to show off – loose the ‘But’ – when you’re around…

    and, I – loose the ‘just’ – want to soar in the clouds.

    They don’t change the poem, but try them and you’ll find that it slides in more focussed.

    Again, Flashback is super, again just little editing;

    And watch as it unfolds again – loose ‘story’

    Of the – replace ‘last’ with ‘past’…it plays well with ‘plays’ in the next line

    Plays – insert ‘out’ -in your head.

    That’s it. Hope I don’t come off as presumptious but I just loved these poems and I got some great help from some authors on my own poems this week and thought I’d pass it on.

    Hope you find some use for them, super poetry!

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