Day 166 (My One Hundredth Post)


Keeper of my heart

Silence grips my soul,
Now I must bide my time.
Three days left
Until I know
Whether I have won or
If no ground has been taken
My life will be done;
But I will still fight on fer her.
She is my sky,
She is my sun
The soil beneath mine feet.
For she is even the air I breath
The keeper of my heart.
I will stand my ground,
Face my foolish child fears.
For these,
The shortcomings of a fool
Will no longer hold me down.
No more will I be pained
By self inflicted agonies.
I will either come through this changed
Or die all the same.
For you are the keeper of my heart.
* now for something old but great
“Untitled 2 – For These The Shortcomings Of A Fool”

From my chapbook “My Empty Face” January – February 2010

So far in life and death,
With my woes, my dreams, my breath,
These, the shortcomings of a fool.
I a man, no only a child, spoke to soon.

Weak and weary a war waged inside.
My hopes, my imagination, I tried to hide.
Who I am and who I would become,
Could have been broken an age ago.

You know, Lord, of misery, the cause of your fallen tears?
Like mine, I remember, brought on by your fears.
Your emissaries all tried to force themselves in,
I was left with no choice but to wipe them all out.

Entire days of my life a charade,
Like an endless and annoying parade.
Always my enemies would remind me
Of what I did. I abandoned my kin.

For I am a blasphemous fool.
I was the never faltering tool.
Used for service to the almighty King,
But in an instant my blade of thorns tore into his skin.

Sharpen the blades of your tongue.
Nothing said can worsen what’s been done.
For these a mighty grievance be, to me.
That’s how I know I really am human,

No matter what I have been told.
Until the day that my hair turns white gold,
And I have been given my rightful end,
Will I be able to repent for the messes I have made.
* now back to our presentation of new poems
“For These, The Shortcomings Of A Fool – Part 2”
So far in life,
Between my woes, my dreams, and my breath;
I found love.
The first, strong love.
It’s bound me tight within it’s fist
Gripping my heart like a soldier holding the pin
To a hand grenade.
My life depends on how I handle this;
If I let go,
I’ll lose myself to the darkness.
I nearly lost myself to a war inside my skull.
Between two parts of me that I did and didn’t know.
Who I am now,
Is different than who I was a year ago.
Since then, Lord, you and me haven’t been on speaking terms.
Because, I, a child of this world,
Given thought and feeling
And knowledge, skeptical I am of all religion.
I have fought among friends,
I have fought within myself,
All I have received defending myself
Is madness,
I’ve been trying to be true to my essence,
And you fight me at every turn,
What is it that I have learned.
I can only trust myself,
That’s where she came in.
She is like another half of myself,
It’s as if before we were born,
(a year and four months apart)
We agreed to swap parts of our self
And find each other later in life.
Complete each other,
So that we both can know peace in this life.
But I, a trespasser on this planet,
One who has abandoned his own kin;
A boy who will never see manhood
Because I shall never earn that right.
I have waged this bloody war
With tongue in cheek,
Sharper than any blade
And blood still drips along the floor.
Drip, drop, drip, drop
Hello mother, wrists pop.
Drip, drop, drip, drop
Father, I’m sorry I give up.
As time goes on I’ve realized
That these shortcomings,
And my foolishness
Can only go on for so long
Before they consume me.
And repentance is within my grasp
Finally after five years have passed
I’ll figure out what I need to do,
To finally make it up to you.
So that when I leave,
This next time for good
I will not have any regrets
That will haunt me like this has.
So many days,
So many nights,
So many fights,
And dark passageways
That my mind has traveled.
I’ll make things right
After so long.
I used to believe
That no matter what I had been told
That until the day my hair turns white gold.
And finally when I had met my rightful end
That I could repent for the messes I have made.
But, just last night I realized.
I’ve been repenting all along.


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